— Bill Woodward to Ted Spankoffskisrc“ "I'm gonna... kick your... head!" ”
Bill Woodward is a character in the Hatchetfield Universe. He features in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, Black Friday, Watcher World, Forever and Always, Time Bastard, Hey, Melissa! and Workin' Boys. He is the father of Alice Woodward, though she currently lives in Clivesdale, only visiting her dad for one week a month. Bill is played by Corey Dorris.
| Production | Played by | Song | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals | Corey Dorris | The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals | ||
| Let Him Come | ||||
| Let It Out | ||||
| Inevitable | ||||
| Black Friday | What If Tomorrow Comes | |||
| Nightmare Time | Season 1 | Watcher World | None | |
| Forever & Always | ||||
| Time Bastard | ||||
| Special Episode | Hey, Melissa! | |||
| Workin' Boys | ||||
The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals[]
In the scene after the opening song, he is seen having troubles with his printer, which Paul helps him with. Later in that scene, Paul asks if he wants to go to Beanies with him, which Bill declines. Instead, he sits refreshing a webpage (HotTix), trying to get tickets for the Starlight’s touring production of Mamma Mia. He wants to show his ex-wife that he too can be a good parent to his daughter, Alice, who had went to see Hamilton with her mother. He says “I just want my daughter back” when Paul asks him if he wants anything from Beanies, showing he is just trying his hardest to be a good dad. Although he’d appreciate if his friends could help talk him up, and make Alice see how good he is.
He is later seen on the phone to Alice, talking to her about the tickets. He doesn’t seem to be so happy when mentioning Deb, Alice’s girlfriend, who is seeming to make things much harder for Bill. He mentions many times throughout the musical that he doesn’t exactly like Deb all too well. “She’s always on her phone, and I don’t know. . . I just think Alice could do better.”- Bill about Deb. It’s clear he’s just trying to look out for his daughter.
The next major scene he is in is the bar scene, at Professor Hidgens’ house. He is annoyed that he can’t make a Shirley Temple, which Ted laughs at. They get into a row and Bill threatens to kick Ted’s head, which gains him the nickname ‘Sensei Bill’ from Ted. Paul breaks up the argument before they get themselves hurt. Bill then gets a phone call from Alice, who got off the bus to Clivesdale to see Deb, who is now infected by the hivemind. Alice decided to hide in the choir room, but she’s alone and scared. So Bill decides to go after her to save her, and Paul decides to tag along after Ted monologues about how Alice is dead and Bill would end up dead if he attempted to go and save her. (“There are only people who are alive, and people who are fucking dead! And Bill’s daughter...she’s dead.”)
Act 2, Paul and Bill are in Hatchetfield High. He calls out to Alice to try and find her, but is immediately shushed so nobody would hear and attack them. Bill then goes on to talk about his efforts to try and protect Alice and his love for her. He recounts the argument he had gotten into with her that morning, and he soon blames himself for Alice being trapped, he blames himself for her getting off the bus to Clivesdale. Paul tries to tell him that it’s not his fault, before Alice appears, she’s now infected. Bill is shattered as Alice starts singing (Not Your Seed) and picks up the gun that they had brought with them, holding it up to himself. “I can’t live in a world without my daughter,” he says as he holds the gun under his chin and gets ready to pull the trigger. Paul quickly takes the shotgun from Bill and throws it to the ground. Alice then picks it up from the ground, and as Paul tries to comfort Bill, telling him he’s not going to die, Alice pulls the trigger and shoots Bill, killing him.
Black Friday[]
Bill is mentioned at the beginning of Black Friday by Paul to Tom Houston (“My buddy Bill tried to get one online, and the orders are so backed up, the earliest he can get one is next Christmas.”) and reappears at the end of the show, where he, alongside the rest of the cast, begins to count down the end to Black Friday and hearing a wooshing noise over their head, as the stage fades to black.
Watcher World[]
The story opens with Bill and Alice Woodward in the car heading towards Watcher World, a theme park on Hatchetfield Island. As they drive, Alice scrolls through Instagram and complains to her dad about how her girlfriend Deb is having a party and how she's unable to go as she's going to Watcher World. The two arrive at Watcher World and go to the ticket booth. Bill asks for an adult and child ticket much to Alice's protest. However, the Ticket-Taker gives them the child's ticket anyway and the two enter the park.
After going on some rides, Bill and Alice take a selfie at Drowsy Town station much to Alice's annoyance. Bill attempts to post the selfie to Instagram to which Alice tells him not to tag her in it, much to Bill's confusion. After finally finding Alice's profile, Bill discovers it's on private which Alice tells him is so he can't see it.
The two then go to watch Blinky's Watch Party despite Alice's protests. After a disastrous end to the show in which the Snigglette actress was hit with a mallet, Bill and Alice get some food and sit eating it while Alice once again scrolls through Instagram. During her scrolling, Alice discovers that Ziggy is going to Deb's party which scares her as she thinks Deb and Ziggs are going to hook up. Bill dismisses her concerns.
Bill and Alice then get in the queue for the Tear-Jerker rollercoaster. While in line, Annoyed with the fact that she's at Watcher World and not at Deb's party, Alice skips to the front of the line with Bill following her and the two get onto the rollercoaster. As the coaster gets higher and higher Alice gets increasingly more nervous as she's afraid of heights. When they get to the top of the rollercoasters largest hill the car stops trapping them at the top. Bill manages to coax Alice off the coaster and down the ramp at the side by encouraging her to talk about the play she wrote which won her a scholarship to do a playwriting degree. However, in the rescue attempt, Bill drops Alice's phone, losing it.
Once they're safely back on the ground Alice becomes angry at Bill for losing her phone as it was her one way of relieving her anxiety about Deb and storms off. While Alice is gone, Bill attempts to win her a Blinky doll on a strong man carnival game. However, he repeatedly fails. After spending an extortionate amount of money on the game Bill manages to win but only when he hallucinates seeing Alice's head on the end of the lever and hits her, much to Bill's horror. The barker gives Bill the doll and suggests to him that he needs to make sure Alice doesn't leave him and so he arms Bill with the mallet.
Bill and Alice meet each other on the Watcher World Mainstreet, both under Blinky's spell. Alice and Bill begin to fight each other and eventually end up in the hall of mirrors. Bill manages to disarm Alice and is about to hit her legs with the mallet when he sees himself in the mirror and notices his daughter having a panic attack. Despite the encouragement of the other Watcher World guests Bill stops his attack on Alice and comforts her. The two are then almost attacked by the Blinky mascot but Alice shoots it right in its eye. The two are then carried out of the amusement park by a wave of purple goo that leaks from Blinky's eye which deposits them in the car park. Bill and Alice drive home but before Alice rolls over to sleep in the car she starts following Bill on Instagram much to his joy.
Forever and Always[]
Bill features in Forever and Always as one of the guests at Paul and Emma's wedding. He cries at the ceremony with Sylvia on his arm. Later, during Emma's vows Bill proclaims "Fuck Clivesdale".
Later, when Paul arrives back from his honeymoon, Bill is on the phone to his ex-wife and he agrees to have Alice stay at his while she and her new boyfriend Allan go on vacation to the riviera. After getting off the fan, Bill complains to Paul about how awful marriage is and talks about how his wife left him for her boyfriend in college and warns Paul that sooner or later in a marriage shit it gonna hit the fan.
Time Bastard[]
When Ted attempts to make a move on Sylvia at Paul and Emma's wedding reception, Bill approaches and asks Ted if they're going to have a problem. Bill later reappears once again as a guest at Paul and Emma's wedding.
Hey, Melissa![]
Bill first appears after Paul has a very disinterested conversation with Melissa, Bill reprimands him and tells Paul about how he wants to care for Melissa as she reminds him of Alice. The two are then approached by Ted who encourages Paul to make a move on Melissa before he does, something that Bill is horrified by.
Days later, Bill is overjoyed to hear that Melissa and Paul are seemingly together and questions when Paul will be coming back to work. Melissa tells him that Paul is quitting and moving to Clivesdale, which Bill doubts and thinks Paul is lying to Melissa.
That evenings, Bill arrives at Melissa's Apartment to speak with her, not knowing that Melissa is having a party with the other members of the Kitty-Cat Club. When Mina goes to attack Bill, she's attacked by Paul with the dog cage. Bill is horrified and tries to fight Paul but is immediately tazed by Melissa.
Workin' Boys[]
Bill appears in the audience of Workin' Girls at the Starlight Theater. He attends the show with Ted Spankoffski after he was 'ditched' by Alice and Paul. Bill is irritated at the fact he's attending the show with Ted which is only increased by Ted's interpretation of what the shows about. Following the interval, Bill is horrified to see the blood and body parts on the stage and is even more horrified when he deduces that it's not part of the play. Bill then cowers and hides with the rest of the audience until Professor Hidgens is killed and he escapes.
Personality and Traits[]
Bill is a kind and well mannered man who deeply loves his daughter. He is also prone to anxiety, especially concerning his daughter, which can cause him to lash out.
Skills[]
- Being bad at computers- despite working in the tech department at CCRP, Bill is bad at using computers often sending documents to be printed at the wrong printer.
Relationships[]
Bill and Alice during Not Your Seed
Alice Woodward[]
Bill is the father of Alice Woodward and the two have a rather strained relationship. While they do care about each other, Bill and Alice regularly fight and butt heads about a range of things. One recurring argument is how Bill doesn't like Alice's girlfriend Deb at one point even suggesting she date someone like Grace Chasity. Despite these arguments, the two love each other deeply, with Alice wanting to live with Bill, instead of her mother in Clivesdale.
It was Bill's love for Alice that got him killed in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, as he attempted to kill himself with the shotgun, but it was thrown away by Paul. This allowed the infected Alice to grab the gun and use it to shoot and kill her father.
In the Nightmare Time story, Watcher World, Alice and Bill's relationship is the main focus. Throughout the story, the two slowly but surely fall under the influence of Blinky, and almost kill each other near the end, but it is their love for one another that allows them to break free from Blinky's control and defeat him. While driving home, Alice sends Bill a friend request on Instagram, which makes Bill very happy.
In Hey, Melissa! it's clear from Bill's protectiveness for Melissa that he feels a lot of guilt for how he treated Alice during her relationship issues with Deb and wants to try and make up for it in any way he can.
Bill and Paul at the CCRP office
Paul Matthews[]
Paul is Bill's best friend and colleague. The two have an immense amount of respect and trust for one another. They often refer to each other as their "buddy". When he was younger Paul used to babysit Bill's daughter Alice.
In The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, Paul is willing to venture outside of Hidgens' Manor alongside Bill to help get his daughter back, he then goes on to stop Bill killing himself though Bill is ultimately killed anyway.
Paul's clone double, Paul Perkins also shares a friendly relationship with Bill, inviting him to his wedding.
Bill and Ted in Hidgens' Manor
Ted Spankoffski[]
Ted is Bill's colleague and occasional friend. The two often argue but also have some respect for each other. In Time Bastard, Ted assumes that his door was nailed shut by Bill as a prank.
Sylvia[]
Sylvia is Bill's current girlfriend. It can be assumed they met at work at CCRP and started dating. They went to the wedding of Paul Perkins and Emma Matthews together.
Melissa[]
Melissa is Bill's colleague. Bill likes Melissa and is somewhat protective of her as she reminds him of his daughter. He attempts to act like a father figure towards her, offering her things such as advice, and also actively attempts to protect Melissa from the approaches of sleazy men like Ted. Bill is annoyed when he believes someone has wronged her.
Deb[]
Deb is the girlfriend of Bill's daughter Alice. Despite being supportive of Alice's sexuality Bill doesn't like Deb and thinks Alice can do better,
His ex-wife[]
Bill's Ex-Wife is the mother of his daughter Alice. The two were together for at least sixteen years but eventually got a divorce in 2017 during Alice's junior year[1]. The divorce was caused by Bill's ex-wife having an affair with her college boyfriend Allan.
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Trivia[]
- The name 'Bill' is of English origin, meaning 'gilded helmet', although it is often used as a shortened form of the Old English name 'William', meaning 'resolute protector'. The English surname 'Woodward' is commonly used for foresters, the name originally deriving from the Old English 'wode' (wood) and 'ward' ('guardian' or 'keeper'). As a result, the name Bill Woodward could be interpreted as 'forest guardian with a gilded helmet', or 'resolute guardian and protector of the forest'.
- Bill was said to appear in a potential future Nightmare Time episode named Bottle Imps.