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General Store Guy is a smooth-talking character from The Trail to Oregon played by Joey Richter.
He claims that he isn't a a general store owner that would sheist a newbie like Father with some fast talking to turn a quick buck, which is exactly what he ends up doing. He sells the family a wagon with octagon wheels, a 'floor window' and a horny ox. He prides himself on being a very good ox owner, their love is perfectly normal.
Rules he lives by:
- Don't say sorry to your Indian guide
- You might die of cholera
- You might die of pain
- You'll probably get laid by your mum
- You'll probably get laid by your dad
- You'll probably get laid by your little kids
- Use your kids as tourniquets
- Your kids won't help when you're bit by a bear
- Your kids won't help when you're bit by a snake
General Store Guy has some sense of honour despite his career as he is willing to sacrifice himself for Dollface.
Is a theatre nerd confirmed having proudly played Tony in Independence Community Theatre's production of West Side Story and writing his own show based on his adventures called 'Wagons, Whiskey and Women - One General Store Guy's Journey Down the Oregon Trail' (working title). The play's opening number about himself in a general store needing to sell his things when a family comes in and he's "just going to fuck them over". He plans on entering it into the Independence Fringe Festival and even offered to cast Father, admitting he'd flourish in an ensemble role and opens an invitation for him to join his workshop and give General Store Guy any notes.