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Harry Freakin' Potter is the second song in A Very Potter Sequel. It was written by Darren Criss and performed by Joey Richter as Ron Weasley, Jaime Lyn Beatty as Rita Skeeter and Darren Criss as Harry Potter with backup by the ensemble.



Ron, what's going on here? Everyone's treating me like I'm famous or something.


But Harry, you are!


You're Harry freakin' Potter!

You don't understand

You're a legend, man

To us all

Every son and daughter




From You-Know-Who

All because of you

You were small

But I wonder

If you can recall

Long story short

This guy


Was super cruel...

Harry, spoken:



(Gasps) Shhh!

Ron, sung:

He tried to kill you

And your parents

And this is where it

Gets intensely cool

Even though you were

A tiny little boy

You shoulda died but you

Survived and then destroyed

This evil guy and it's

A story we enjoy to tell

Ron and Ensemble:

You're Harry freakin' Potter!

We don't prefer


Merlin, or Oz

You're a whole lot hotter

With that lighting scar

You're a superstar to us all

If we're in trouble

We know who to call

Rita, spoken:

Did someBODY say Harry Potter? Rita Skeeter here for the Daily Prophet. reporting to you live, dear readers, from Platform 9¾ where I just happened upon the original wiz kid himself:

Harry Potter, the Lad Who Lived! Now let's you and me get on the same level, HP. Where have you been for ten years? Are you excited to go to Hogwarts? Are you frightened for your life?

Harry, spoken:

Why would I be frightened for my life?

Rita, spoken:

Well, ain't you cocksure? Know this, dear readers: HP, the eleven-year-old titan, shows no fear! Even in the face of a murderous dog like Sirius Black!

Harry, spoken:

Who's Sirius Black?

Rita, spoken:

Who's Sirius Black? You don't know? He used to be your dad's best friend until he betrayed him to the Dark Lord and got him

killed. Yep, turns out he was a Death Eater! He killed thirteen duck before they caught him. And I mean people! He hates your guts! Wants you dead! He just escaped Azkaban, but it's no skin off your back, kid. You know why?


You're Harry freakin' Potter!

I wouldn't wince at all

You're invincible

From all harm

Like Betty Crocker

Rita and Ensemble:



I wanna eat you up

No one'll beat you up

With that charm

Remember, Harry, kid

You're the boss

You're the king

You're the bomb!

Rita, spoken:

Keep your nose clean, kid. And don't take any wooden Sickles.

Conductor, spoken:

All aboard!

Molly, spoken:

Goodbye, kids! I love you! Be safe!

Harry, spoken:

Ron, what's going on? This is just so... all... it's unreal!

Ron, spoken:

No, it's not! You're Harry Potter. You're the coolest goddamn kid in the entire world. Everything's awesome for you, so you'd better get used to it.

Harry, sung:

But this is all so sad

I mean, my Mom and Dad

Were killed, long ago


Long ago they died!


I wanna be psyched

But being unliked

Is all I know


All he knows, that's why...


I never thought I'd be

A part of such a fate

An opportunity

Eleven years late

I guess it's time for me

To step up to the plate

And show 'em that

I'm something great!

I'm Harry freakin' Potter!

I'll do what I can

If what you say I am

Is true

I can't be bothered

By my awful past

I've found at last

Something I can do

So it's time I knew

Exactly who I am

I'm Harry freakin' Potter!


You're Harry Freakin' Potter!


I'm/You're Harry freakin' Potter


And I'm the man!

All, spoken:

Harry freakin' Potter!

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