Hatchet Town is the ninth song from Nerdy Prudes Must Die. It was written by Jeff Blim and performed by Joey Richter as Dan Reynolds, Curt Mega as Officer Bailey, Corey Dorris as Solomon Lauter, Jon Matteson as Boy Jerry, Lauren Lopez as Donna Daggit, Kim Whalen as Karen Chasity and Bryce Charles as Bryce's Reporter.
Lyrics[]
Stage Version[]
Dan Reynolds:
I've never known darker times
And I covered the protest live
At the Hatchetfield kennel
I am Dan Reynolds
Dan Reynolds, spoken:
...with action news weekdays at 10pm
Officer Bailey, sung:
I hate to relay the news
But the football team might be screwed
Stay inside, watch your children
'Cuz a losin' streaks comin'
Bryce's Reporter:
A losin' streaks comin'!
Solomon Lauter:
There's a man on the loose
And he's got a gun
Better put out the APB!
The psycho's killed two
If he gets me next, make it three
Everyone:
If he gets me next, I could be three
We're chasing wild goose
And we don't know how
Watch the blame go around! Man down, down, down, down
Who's swinging the Hatchet now
In Hatchet Town?
Someone's got their hands on the Hatchet handle
Swinging on the youth, it's a Hatchet scandal
Careful or your folks will end up a cannibal's plate
It ain't great!
You're better on the run than are you hiding
Suddenly this quiet town's exciting
Boy Jerry:
I heard that the brains were soup
Their intestines were cut in two
So it's gotta be Donna!
Dan Reynolds:
Yeah, it's gotta be Donna!
Donna Daggit, spoken:
Dan?!
Karen Chasity, sung:
Reynolds was in the school
We all know he's a local mule
Selling drugs to our children!
Dan Reynolds, spoken:
I'm a volunteer counselor!
Karen Chasity, sung:
We know he loves killing!
Dan Reynolds, spoken:
I certainly don't love killing
Everyone, sung:
Bailey's on the loose and he's got a gun
And he's got a motive to kill!
Officer Bailey, spoken:
I'm a cop!
Everyone, sung:
The case is closed his description matches the bill
Fits the bill, he fits the bill
Killers gotta go and for what he's done
If you don't take him in, I will
Man down, down, down, down
Who's swinging the hatchet now in Hatchet Town?
Everyone, sung (Solomon Lauter, spoken):
Lauter's got his hands on the Hatchet handle (What, what what?)
Swinging on the youth from his high mantle (I am the mayor!)
Careful or your kids will end up on Karen's plate!
Karen Chasity, spoken:
Excuse me?!
Everyone, sung:
She just ate!
Karen Chasity, spoken:
How dare you!
Everyone, sung:
You're better on the run than you are hiding
Suddenly this quiet towns divided
Singing all these songs gives him greater windows to kill!
But we're singing still!
Bryce's Reporter:
Oh!
I remember before the lockdown
The sun was shining on our town
And our kids could walk the streets
Oh!
I remember the candy and rainbows
No hatred, only halos
And I knew what life could mean
Until Jerry...
Went on his murder spree
Dan Reynolds, spoken:
I knew it was Jerry!
Boy Jerry, spoken:
No, it wasn't me! It was Girl Jeri, that dirty girl!
Officer Bailey, spoken:
Let's kill him!
Everyone, sung:
Someone's got their hands on the Hatchet handle
Swinging on the youth, it's a Hatchet scandal
Careful or your kids will encounter a terrible fate
We're at Hell's gate!
You're better on the run from this bloody-letting
Suddenly this show is real upsetting
It's looking like the hatchet sun is setting on us
Who can we trust?
Who's swinging the Hatchet now?
Can I shit or will I drown?
Man down, down, down, down
Who stepped on our hallowed ground
In Hatchet Town?
Proshot Version[]
Dan Reynolds:
I never knew darker times
And I covered the protest live
At the Hatchetfield kennel
I am Dan Reynolds
Dan Reynolds, spoken:
...with action news weekdays at 10pm
Officer Bailey, sung:
I hate to relay the news
But the football team might be screwed
Stay inside, watch your children
'Cuz a losin' streaks comin'
Bryce's Reporter:
A losin' streaks comin'!
Solomon Lauter:
There's a man on the loose
And he's got a gun
Better put out the APB!
The psycho's killed two
If he gets me next, make it three
Everyone:
If he gets me next, I could be three
We're chasing wild goose
And we don't know how
Watch the blame go around! Man down, down, down, down
Who's swinging the Hatchet now
In Hatchet Town?
Someone's got their hands on the Hatchet handle
Swinging on the youth, it's a Hatchet scandal
Careful or your folks will end up a cannibal's plate
It ain't great!
You're better on the run than are you hiding
Suddenly this quiet town's exciting
Boy Jerry:
I heard that the brains were soup
Their intestines were cut in two
So it's gotta be Donna!
Dan Reynolds:
Yeah, it's gotta be Donna!
Donna Daggit, spoken:
Dan?!
Karen Chasity, sung:
Ziggy was in the school
We all know they're a local mule
Selling drugs to our children!
Ziggs, spoken:
So, is that a crime?
Karen Chasity, sung:
We know they love killing!
Ziggs, spoken:
I certainly don't love killing
Everyone, sung:
Barry's on the loose and he's got a gun
And he's got a motive to kill!
Barry Swift, spoken:
I'm in a hurry!
Everyone, sung:
The case is closed his description matches the bill
Fits the bill, he fits the bill
Killers gotta go and for what he's done
If you don't take him in, I will
Barry Swift, spoken:
Get your hands off me!
Everyone, sung:
Man down, down, down, down
Who's swinging the hatchet now in Hatchet Town?
Everyone, sung (Solomon Lauter, spoken):
Lauter's got his hands on the Hatchet handle (What, what what?)
Swinging on the youth from his high mantle (I am the mayor!)
Careful or your kids will end up on Charlie's plate!
Charles, spoken:
Excuse me?!
Everyone, sung:
He just ate!
Charles, spoken:
How dare you!
Everyone, sung:
You're better on the run than you are hiding
Suddenly this quiet towns divided
Singing all these songs gives him greater windows to kill!
But we're singing still!
Bryce's Reporter:
Oh!
I remember before the lockdown
The sun was shining on our town
And our kids could walk the streets
Oh!
I remember the candy and rainbows
No hatred, only halos
And I knew what life could mean
Until Gerald...
Went on his murder spree
Dan Reynolds, spoken:
I knew it was Gerald!
Gerald Monroe, spoken:
Linda, call my lawyer.
Officer Bailey, spoken:
Let's kill him!
Everyone, sung:
Someone's got their hands on the Hatchet handle
Swinging on the youth, it's a Hatchet scandal
Careful or your kids will encounter a terrible fate
We're at Hell's gate!
You're better on the run from this bloody-letting
Suddenly this show is real upsetting
It's looking like the hatchet sun is setting on us
Who can we trust?
Who's swinging the Hatchet now?
Can I shit or will I drown?
Man down, down, down, down
Who stepped on our hallowed ground
In Hatchet Town?
Trivia[]
- This song features several different lyrics in the pro-shot version, with several cameos of other notable Hatchetfield characters.
- The motif of the chorus can be heard in the background numerous times throughout Nerdy Prudes Must Die
- At the beginning of the show, when Max Jagerman is taunting Richie Lipschitz.
- Once Detective Shapiro and Officer Bailey read the message 'Nerdy Prudes Must Die" on the wall, whilst investigating Richie's death.
- While Grace Chastity and the others are approaching Waylon Hall. Notably, this time the motif has a distinct synth flavor to it.
- When Pete and Steph remember the night they killed Max, right before the start of Go! Go! Nighthawks!
- During the bridges of the songs Nerdy Prudes Must Die and Dirty Dudes Must Die
- While Grace, Steph, Ruth, and Pete are being interrogated by Detective Shapiro about Richie's murder. As soon as she mentions the phrase "Nerdy Prudes" the motif begins to play.
- Inside Detective Shapiro's car, when she sees Max Jagerman and swerves to avoid him
- After Max causes Detective Shapiro to crash her car, the motif plays until Grace, Pete, and Steph are in the Hatchetfield High School gym.
- The same motif can be heard in the song Axe Man from Nightmare Time