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A collection of some of the funniest quotes from Holy Musical B@man , sorted by character.


Bruce: "I'm Bruce Man, 'I mean, I'm Bat Wayne...fuck. 'Can I start over?"

Dick: "Sure."

Bruce: "'I'm Batman...fuck."

Bruce: "'I'm Bruce Wayne."

"Batman loves the circus."

"I never had a pony."

"Some of us superheroes like having secrets identities...CLARK KENT!"

"Life partner!







Woooooo! Let's go!!"

Robin:" Look Batman! A dog!"

Batman:" Quick, Robin! Pet it!"

"I wanna be somebody's buddy."

Alfred:"What about your work friends?"

Bruce:"I've never worked a god damn day in my life."

"I'm a huge bat, but I'm a tiny pterodactyl."

"Who are you? and how did you get into the Batcave?"

"I never had a pony....I never had pets....Just a bullshit butler....Who builds bullshit jets!"


"I wanna be a modern dancer!"

"I wanna see the Eiffel To​wer!"

"I wanna meet the Dalai Lama!"

"I wanna learn to play the banjo!"

Make it a Mott's, God Dammit!!! (says at same time as Batman)

Commissioner Gordon: "Hey.. um.. Thanks Robin .. but um... where are your pants?"

Robin: "Pants are a luxury. My costume is designed to be aerodynamically perfect."

"If I were to wear pants, my crime-fighting abilities would be decreased by 20%! I can't afford that, can you?"

Superman: What do you call a league for justice, anyway?

Robin: I have the perfect name: the Super Friends.

Batman: Tonight will be a night...

Robin: ...of dancing!

"I knew you were Batman right from the moment you walked in this room, but it wasn't this bat symbol on your chest, or the cape that's carelessly dangling from beneath your robe. No, it was the man behind the bat symbol on your chest, and in front of the cape."

"What am I afraid of? Years ago, when I was a humble circus boy, my parents and I performed together in an acrobatic trio, until one night, while performing their most dangerous and awe-inspiring feat, the Grayson Dive...they were a robin."

"From this moment forward...the rogues of Gotham...shall tremble in fear...before the tweeting song...of the Robin!"


"He's agile as hell!!"

"Hello Batman,it's Superman!

I mean this is one of Superman's friends. I'll get Superman for you.

Yo. Supes. Uh, what is it Snoop Dogg?

You got a phonecall, mothafucka!"

"I just flew around the world."

"I'm busy partying with all my friends at the fortress...of solitude"

Superman:"Someone already took the twitter name Superman and all they do is tweet about how dumb I am."

Green Lantern:"Yeah, but who would do a thing like that?"

Superman:"I don't know. Some asshole named... Bruce Wayne!"

Green Lantern: If [Batman's villains] are so stupid, then why are they so famous?

Superman: They're only famous because Batman screws up all the time and lets them kill people! You know, my villains never get that chance. It's like...Have you ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk?

Green Lantern: No...

Superman: No! That's right. It's because I do my damn job.

Superman: You don't know how fast I am...I'm so fast that if I wanted to, I could fly around the world till it started traveling in the opposite direction...and then everything would go back in time, okay! And you'd be a little baby...and I'd spank little...bat child.

Superman: I've been ordered by the President of the United States to put you under arrest... EVER heard of him?

Sweet ToothEdit

"Who can take the sunrise, and sprinkle it with blood” "Looks like you guys are up to your old *Twix"

“Life’s a lot like candy, Batman. Sure it’s sugar-coated on the outside, but it’s sour at the core. And we both know it.”

"You're not coming any closer! You're not coming any closer! Oh you're dirty!"

Sweet Tooth: Doesn't Candy here look good enough to eat? She's my...Sugar Babe

Candy: Yeah, and he's my *Sweet Art

Sweet Tooth: I'M THE ONE WHO MAKES THE CANDY PUNS AROUND HERE!!!!! GOT IT!!!! *bitch slaps Candy*

Robin: Whoa, are you okay?

Candy: Yeah it felt like a Kiss

Sweet Tooth: Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates, so tell me Batman, why aren't you eating?

Sweet Tooth: How many licks does it take to kill you, Chilly Willy? A-one! (Lick) A-two! (Lick) A-three! (Stabs Chilly Willy in the neck!) THREE LICKS!


"Orphans for sale! Even better!"


Poison Ivy: "What are you gonna do, rob the Second National Bank of all its two dollar bills?"

Two-Face: "On February second!"

Two-Face: "Deuces!"

Two- Face: "Catch you all on the flip side! *flips coin, doesn't catch it* Oh no my lucky coin! That's okay, 'cause I always carry TWO! *pulls out second coin*"

Two-Face: "Alright you weenies, let's get this over with. I'm DOUBLE parked!"

Sweet Tooth: *coming into room, runs into Two-Face leaving* "Oh, excuse me."

Two-Face: "No, no, it was my fault. *turns face* And mine!"


"Well isn't it a cool crowd?"

"It is so ice to see you all again."

"Get your broke ass out of here Two-Face!"

"Because of Batman my operations have been put on ice, my assets are frozen"

"I have ice in my veins"

Cat WomanEdit

Enough pussyfooting, Penguin, and lets get this meeting started meow, shall we?

Aw hiss and vinegar! What are we going to do meow?

I'm a pretty little kitty but i ain't no-

Green LanternEdit

"Oh, come on! Nobody cares who Superman is."

"I got the limes!!!"


Sweet Tooth: "Not to mention all that money spent on fucking candy!"

Candy: "Oh, but you can do that for free anytime you want!"

"What do ya say ST, shall we kill him now or later"

Sweet Tooth-"It put the war head on its tongue"

Candy- "Or else it gets the hose again"

Poison IvyEdit

Poison Ivy: "What are you going to do next, rob the second national bank of all its two dollar bills?"

TwoFace: "Yeah! On February second"

"Venom on the vine, i'll weed out any wussy"


"Kiss my little flipper"

"I tawt i taw a pussy cat i did! i did see a pussy cat!"

"Who's the wise guy who thinks he's a Joker?"

"Sorry Batman but i'm no, Gusher"

"Im Cock of the wok around here"

"As soon as the bird seed, fills the bottom of that bird cage i'm going to release my Hummingbird-Ostrich hybrid murder birds, and their gonna peck your fucking brains out Batman"

Commissioner GordonEdit

"I'm pleased to announce that today,the city's crime rates are at an all time low. *starts shooting up high* still the highest in the world but we're working on that"

"Oh peaches!I'm blaffled.

How does a bat become a man?

And why does he have a such strong sense of justice?

Does he want fruit or blood?"

Commissioner Gordon: "Hey.. um.. Thanks Robin .. but um... where are your pants?"

Robin: "Pants are a luxury. My costume is designed to be aerodynamically perfect."

Commissioner Gordon: "God you suck."

*To Robin* "Well, if you can't afford pants I'll just give you mine" *takes off pants*

"bring in the choppers!" *rouges gun down choppers* "what am I thinking? Get them choppers outa here! oh I am such a boob!"

"lets celebrate with my faviourate pastime, water shots!"


"I made a fear toxin in the form of gas" "Now I wear a scary mask *Oow*"

"Line up, sign up if your looking for some sin"

Sweettooth: villians with cool themes, lame themes, themes that dont match their powers, even villians who steal characters from public domain stories

scarecrow: Hey! I take offence to that!

Sweettooth: oh, grab a brain, scarecrow

scarecrow: yeah... or a diploma will do!

Calendar ManEdit

"Boxing Day is coming early"

"You May have thought i was waiting for a table, but now it's time to March to your death"

Chief Clancy O'HaraEdit

"A couple of goons hanging up-side down from a lampost"

"Was it the water? I know, I'll check as well!" *drinks water* "Oh, it was the water!"

Pizza GuyEdit

"I wonder if that Bruce Wayne knows that B@man is living under his house?"


"Batman saved my life once, and if paying him back means imploding my own head then fuckin' yeah"

Worker-"Sweet Tooths gonna poison the water supply"

Woman-"This is even worse than when The Joker poisoned the water supply"

Worker-"Or when Scarecrow poisoned the water supply"

Woman-"Or when Killer Croc poisoned the water supply, that's how he died, the poor fool!"


"Then it's a good thing I brought, my raquet"

"Should we really be doin' these illegal dealings, in a childrens hospital, for orphans?"

Evil Sherlock HolmesEdit

"Now I'll never be able to walk evil Watson down the aisle!"

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