Team StarKid Wiki
Team StarKid Wiki

Lauren Lopez (born March 8, 1986) is an actress, singer and dancer based in Los Angeles, California. She is most notable for her work with the American musical theatre company Team StarKid, which she is a founding member of. A clip of her singing "I Don't Really Wanna Do The Work Today" (aka We Got Work To Do) from Firebringer went viral in 2016.

Since its founding in 2009, she has worked with Team StarKid on twelve original musicals, two national tours, three reunion concerts, partnerships with The Second City & Improv Olympic (iO) in Chicago, as well as appearances in Germany, London, Ireland and all over the United States. The company has reached over 200 million total views on YouTube. In addition to performing, Lopez did additional choreography in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals. She reprised her role as Son in The Trail to Oregon in its 2015 off-Broadway run in New York.

Besides her work with StarKid, she has worked frequently with the comedy trio, the Tin Can Bros. The trio are also members of StarKid, and Lopez has worked with them in YouTube sketches, an improv show, in four live stage shows, two short films, and the totally awesome horror-comedy film series containing 10 episode called "THE WAYWARD GUIDE FOR THE UNTRAINED EYE", where she played the role of Agnes 'Ags' Florentine, the Connor Creek's No. 1 and only travel agent. In addition to performing, she choreographed their musical Spies Are Forever. She reprised her role as Esther in The Solve It Squad in its 2018 off-Broadway run in New York.

She wrote a cookbook titled These Treats Don't Suck in 2013. It contains gluten-free, dairy-free recipes.

Lauren lives in Los Angeles with her fiancé Joey Richter and their chihuahua Diane. They have also fostered several other dogs at various times. On July 20, 2020 the pair announced their engagement via Instagram, confirming they had been in a relationship for eight years.[1][2]

Early Life and Education[]

Lopez was born in Royal Oak, Michigan to a Jewish mother and Mexican father. She has an older brother. Lopez started competitive dancing when she was three years old and that was initially what she wanted to do when she grew up. Lopez got into theatre when she was a sophomore in high school to get her mother to stop nagging her to try it. She was cast as an understudy and maid in The Importance of Being Earnest that year. After that show, Lopez decided she wanted to continue to act in her school's plays and musicals. However, the moment she knew she wanted to be an actor was after seeing Medea (play), which Fiona Shaw starred in.

She was a goth in high school and reprised that memory by playing "Goth Party Girl" in A VHS Christmas Carol.

In 2009, she graduated from the BFA Acting program at the University of Michigan. She originally thought of herself as more of a dramatic actress before she started to get into comedy and character acting.


Lopez met the members of what is now StarKid while collaborating on plays through Basement Arts, the university's student-run theatre organization. Their first play was based on The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, in which she played Frodo Baggins. The show succeeded in developing a working relationship among the StarKids-to-be. At that point, there was no concept that they were in some sort of troupe — they were just friends with each other in the School of Music, Theatre & Dance. Lopez then played Tanya Freemont in Little White Lie, an online series available to watch on YouTube that Darren Criss and Meredith Stepien were also in.

In her senior year (2009), she was part of A Very Potter Musical (then known as Harry Potter the Musical) which sold out its four performances at UMich. At one point, Lopez was considered as Hermione Granger but was ultimately cast as Draco Malfoy. A recorded version of the show that was posted on YouTube for family members to watch went viral and StarKid Productions was created, named after one of Lopez's lines in the show. She and Matt Lang, one of StarKid's founders and writers, went into a classroom and "pranced around, throwing insults and trying to find out what Draco's movements would be." One of her characterization choices was Draco rolling around on the floor, which made her a fan favourite. Lopez said that Draco would "try to strike poses but he didn't know when to stop (because he's an idiot) so he had to keep following through until he got to something that he thought looked cool but it ended up looking completely idiotic."

Since then, Lopez has been in every StarKid show with the exceptions of Me and My Dick, and Ani. She went on both national tours, the SPACE Tour and the Apocalyptour.


For many years Lopez has worked with the Tin Can Bros, dubbed ‘StarKid’s sister channel’. These Tin Can Brethren are made up of Team StarKid members Brian Rosenthal, Corey Lubowitch, and Joey Richter. She first appeared in sketches, as did other StarKid members, but as the channel grew so did their content. Lopez soon appeared alongside TCB and friends in the original musical ‘Spies are Forever’. She played the roles of Cynthia and Mrs. Mega (among a few smaller ones). Lopez also choreographed the show, soon having a hand in nearly every TCB project since, playing the role of Esther in The Solve It Squad Returns (and later in the livestream readings of The Solve It Squad: Back in Biz), assistant directing in the short musical film ‘Flop Stoppers’, and Agnes ‘Ags’ Florentine in both the show and podcast for Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye.

In August of 2021 Lopez was added as an official ‘Tin Can Sister’ after the announcement that TCB would be writing and workshopping a new musical with her and Clark Baxtresser. The musical is currently titled This Could Be On Broadway and it centers around a group of high school students in the process of putting on their spring musical. With the conclusion of the Kickstarter, launched adjacent to the announcement, on September 4th, 2021 Lopez and the rest of the creative team expect to continue to workshop the musical with hopes of an off-Broadway run in the future. This process is set to begin with a ticketed recording of a workshop performance set to come out around fall 2021.

In addition to helping out on TCB projects, Lopez has also partnered with Shipwrecked Comedy along side some similar faces within the TCB media. Lopez has been in Shipwrecked projects like Edgar Allen Poe’s Invite Only Murder Mystery Dinner Party/Gala for Friends Potluck (Poe Party for short) as George Elliot, and her brief appearance in American Woopie. As of July 2021 it was revealed in Shipwrecked’s latest Kickstarter campaign that she would be playing one of the many heads of the Headless Horseman in Headless. Headless is also set to be made around fall 2021.

Personal Life[]

Lopez announced in an Instagram post in 2017 that she has dealt with clinical depression since she was 20 years old.[1] She adopted (gave birth to) her chihuahua Diane (last name Lopez-Richter) in 2016, and does volunteer work with A Purposeful Rescue in Los Angeles. She is very passionate about animal rights, and about people getting pets from rescue shelters. Lopez enjoys doing puzzles and is an avid baker. She is also a Hufflepuff - you may FIND that to be interesting. She is a big fan of the Real Housewives franchise. On July 20 2020, she announced her engagement to Joey on Instagram, stating that they had been together for eight years.[2]

Starkid roles[]

Year Production Role
2009 Little White Lie Tanya Freemont
2009 A Very Potter Musical Draco Malfoy
2010 A Very Potter Sequel
2012 A Very Potter Senior Year
2011 Starship Taz


2012 Holy Musical B@man! Commissioner Gordon

Calendar Man

2013 Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier Monkey
2014 The Trail to Oregon! Son (Craphole)


2016 Firebringer Zazzalil
2018 The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals Emma Perkins

Donna Daggit

2019 Black Friday Linda Monroe

Emma Perkins

Donna Daggit

2020 Nightmare Time Emma Perkins Donna Daggit Sniggly (Lauren) Watcher World Mother

Alison Madame Iris Jacqueline

Donna Daggit



Year Character Production Company
2009 Draco Malfoy A Very Potter Musical Team StarKid
2010 Draco Malfoy A Very Potter Sequel Team StarKid
2011 Bugette Bugington / Taz / Ensemble Starship Team StarKid
2012 Commisioner Gordon / Calendar Man / Green Arrow Holy Musical B@man! Team StarKid
2013 Cast Airport for Birds Team StarKid + The Second City
2013 Draco Malfoy A Very Potter Senior Year Team StarKid
2013 Abu / Achmed's Guard / Orphan / Ensemble Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier Team StarKid
2013 Sharon The Moms: Fannypackin' Heat
2013 Saint Monica / Mother Teresa The Last Days of Judas Iscariot
2013 Cast 1Night 2Last 3Ever Team StarKid + The Second City
2015 Son (name varies)/ Fire / BabyKiller The Trail to Oregon! Team StarKid
2016 Cast Yes, I am Afraid of the Dark! Team Starkid
2016 Cynthia Houston / Curt's Mom / Ensemble Spies Are Forever Tin Can Brothers
2016 Trish / Kat The Power of Prom
2016 Zazzalil Firebringer Team StarKid
2017 Cast Choose Our Destiny: Improv Adventure Tin Can Brothers
2017 Esther (last name varies) The Solve It Squad Tin Can Brothers
2017 Caliban The Tempest Hollywood Fringe Festival
2018 Emma Perkins The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals Team StarKid
2019 Cast We Didn't Mean to Kill Our Guest Tin Can Brothers
2019 Cast Spoopy Broadway Shitty Broadway
2019 Linda Monroe / Emma Perkins / A Wiggle Black Friday Team StarKid
2020 Cast We Didn't Mean to Kill Our Guest 2: No One's Dying This Time! Tin Can Brothers


Year Character Production
2006 Lauren The Spiral Project
2009 Katherine Passenger Seat
2009 Tanya Freemont Little White Lie
2012 Cast World's Worst Musical
2012 Cameo Struck By Lightning
2015 Princess Allegro Muzzled The Musical
2016 Kelly Trackstock Inside the Extras Studio
2016 George Eliot Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party
2018 Computer Sona
2019 TV Executive What If No One Had Heard Of Jerry Seinfeld?
2020 Agnes Florentine Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye
Unknown Amber McMillan Stellar People


Year Role Production Company
2011 Production Associate Starship Team Starkid
2013 Co-Writer, Co-Producer The Moms: Fannypackin' Heat
2016 Choreographer Spies Are Forever Tin Can Brothers
2017 First Assistant Director Flop Stoppers Tin Can Brothers
2018 Choreographer "Let's Not Talk About That"

Fan Comments[]

Special Skills[]

This page previously had a "Special Skills" section that was filled with things including "wearing wigs" "BEING A FUCKING QUEEN" "playing boys" and one very special one that said "editing her own wiki page" Then somebody deleted it, so here is a new section and let's fill it up!

Lauren, if you ever see this again, thank so much for being so constantly amazing! This list wouldn’t be here without you so we hope you like it! It’s thought that Lauren sometimes edits this page, as you’ll see further on in this list with the three items in bold. I’d like to mention it’s probably best that no-one decides to edit this list posing as Lauren. It could be damaging if you impersonate her or if you say rude things whilst pretending to be her. Sorry, for the rant, but that’s really the only rule for this list!

- not having that dollar she has to share with five other people

  • - being recognisable in the StarKid cast because of her height
  • - being a tiny godess
  • - did somebody say Draco Malfoy?
  • - posing like a model
  • - being a better Draco than Tom Felton (no literally this is how we think of Draco now, plus Tom Felton himself said she was better than him)
  • - absolutely commanding a stage
  • - idk having hypnosis or something because one person can't be loved this much, surely? Oh wait yes she can
  • - Because she deserves it.
  • - being the most perfect person to ever walk this earth
  • - accusing Clark of shitting his pants
  • - being extremely afraid of horror movies
  • - squatting to go to the potty
  • - buying the best birthday present for Joey Richter
  • - making sure they can poop on the bus
  • - not succeeding
  • - making Paul dislike musicals in high school
  • - hating Sycamore High (the Timberwolves)
  • - worshiping Wiggly
  • - looking INCREDIBLE in a wedding dress in the future (if she so chooses)
  • - eating four corndogs every morning at 10:30am (SO WHAT)
  • - being a t-rex
  • - literally inventing fire
  • - being dancing queen
  • - putting drugs in a dog to take to the moon
  • - being adorable
  • - having rare, little understood, anxiety disorders
  • - playing rich blonde people who need to be loved
  • - rolling around on the floor
  • - being Peyton on royalties
  • - Hating Zoey, Nora, Clivesdale, Becky, Harry Potter, gingers, Mudbloods, Gryffindor House, Curt, Robots, Megagirl, Jemilla (?), peeing sitting down, tending to the home, not talking about sports, being confused with some sort of damsel, (continue the list guys)
  • - Starting a pot farm
  • - Learning Calculus (Calculus is TOUGH)
  • - Considering turning robots into Latin food
  • - Calling coworkers out for not working
  • - Having so many special skills that having a special skill isn't even special anymore (WE STAN) (IT IS SPECIAL)
  • - Making Spears
  • - Being in Brîgädôñ (Pronounced brig-a-doon with an accent) in high school and fucking KILLING IT
  • - Being the Hatchetfield Bee
  • - Managing to look like a boy and tricking millions of people successfully
  • - Having Four Beautiful Blonde Boys
  • - Having curly hair?? we love ur curly hair lauren
  • - Having us all want to kiss. her. toe. (bc we ADORE her)
  • - sneaking into samis room (and threatening her)
  • - making a cook book!
  • - being lactose intolerant
  • - Skinny Dipping!
  • - Rolling on the floor
  • - Baking Banana Treat and then telling us she'll give us a recipe but it doesn't work so she can't (But now she’s made one that works 🤞🤞🤞🤞) (they are DENSE, once again DENSE)
  • - Having literally the funniest Instagram stories
  • - using the potty
  • - being the best dog mom
  • - putting everything (guns, scorpions, grass, etc) in her mouth
  • - watching things bounce
  • - not really wanting to do the work
  • - bringing fire to humanity
  • - setting mammoths on fire
  • - having a little d
  • - making a new sexuality just by existing - We had decided on Lopezbian before someone deleted it >:(
  • - being the LATTE HOTTE all along
  • - playing fire (possibly one of the most iconic roles to date)
  • - Trying to LICK fire (dumbass) (jk we ly hehe)
  • - being in a kingdom where everyone is white
  • - creating home-made dark-marks
  • - accidentally turning off the light
  • - fulfilling her dreams with a fake moustache
  • - fostering dogs
  • - naming dogs
  • - Singing while wearing vampire fangs, and still being FUCKING AMAZING
  • - becoming a different person when her hair is curled
  • - editing her own wiki page
  • - telling idiotas to mirame and escuchame
  • - usually playing little boys but sometimes playing women pretending to be men
  • - making polvorones
  • - being a gluten free icon!
  • - being so kind to all dogs everywhere
  • - being a really good dancer!
  • - boy toy (need I say more?)
  • - having an urban Dictionary day (7th October) (national slap ass day?) (It's roll on the floor like Lauren Lopez day)
  • - lip reading (what an icon)
  • - being a talented singer, actress and dancer, and making everyone adore her, especially Joey, WHO IS A GODDAMN LUCKY MAN WHO MAKES ME JEALOUS (honestly StarKid is my life right now and you all mean so much to me despite the fact none of you know I exist 😂💕)
  • - Not wearing seatbelts
  • - Making "damn good coffee" that she spit in.
  • - Writing Cheques
  • - Shopping.... I mean being a mother.
  • - Killing people with Exacto knives
  • - running a successful cult (YOU KNOW SHE DOESN'T LIKE THAT WORD. It’s an exciting new religion that she started)
  • - demanding our love and worship too
  • - bringing about the birth of a God.
  • - sacrificing the sporty kids
  • - the brown boots (they made a comeback)
  • - looking completely different in a wig
  • - drawing
  • - doing impressions (specifically of people from boston)
  • - robbing T.G.I. Fridays
  • - performing human sacrifice on one of her best friends to appease a Mayan God
  • - being a Starkid
  • - being a meme (aka going viral on vine)
  • - becoming one with a monkey puppet
  • - being Dobby’s son
  • - lamenting that one time she drowned a litter of Dobby's young, her... brothers?
  • - defining what a cabbage patch kid is
  • - figured out a way to stop climate change by burning everything
  • - killing baby animals and their families
  • - being a hot latina goddess
  • - baking in the God damn quarantine
  • - making her famous ceiling soup
  • - Being the most beautiful, amazing, funny, talented person alive.
  • - Playing prepubescent teenage boys
  • - Not permitting people to touch
  • - dancing during Hermione can’t draw
  • - Being a racist who despises gingers, mud bloods and hates Gryffindor house.
  • - Having coronavirus
  • - Apologizing for saying she had coronavirus
  • - Going viral (but not with corona seriously she's really sorry for bringing that up)
  • - Knowing it wasn’t just a right wing conspiracy theory and she was right all along.
  • - Being a woman(izer)
  • - Having very soft skin
  • - Having 2 male names
  • - Not being able to compete with squirrels (The bastards)
  • - Singing (which is a no brainier)
  • - Having the best Gale Weathers bangs I’ve ever seen
  • - Getting a boob job purely for the sake of hocus pocus
  • - Walking it off
  • - Disliking peeing sitting down, tending to the home and not talking about sporting
  • - Surprising us by being a woman all along
  • - Having many children with many men (probably Ted, Gary and Gerald)
  • - Not letting Gerald within 1000 feet of a ’seenabon’ (thanks to the person who corrected me, I made a schwoopsie)
  • - Being a pillar of the community
  • - Being a bit of a mensch
  • - Getting exhausted by everyone looking at her
  • - Smelling jealousy
  • - Coaxing our love and breaking our cold hearts down (as if we didn’t already love her enough)
  • - Destroying everything… and then destroying everything
  • - Staring into the face of God
  • - Meeting God (and finding out he had nothing nice to say about you)
  • - Damning God to hell
  • - Running over Kevin but still being a more likeable character than Sammi
  • - Getting signatures (for the Save Calvin Foundation)
  • - Misprinting
  • - Talking in many different accents
  • - Killing three buffalos against her will, even a baby
  • - Being in love with Hermione Granger
  • - Shouting out holidays in Spanish when she’s scared
  • - Asking why her mommy had to die
  • - noticing that everyone in the kingdom’s white
  • - Telling Achmed he has a clean and pert ass (my lord)
  • - Being the chair of the Hatchetfield Boating Society
  • - Cutting her own hair
  • - Reciting the rap from Footloose (also the entire 'Barbie Birthday Party' on VHS from 1994)
  • - Calling Kris Kringle “bwoss”
  • - Reprising her Buggette role as Jingle(and Mrs. Mega)
  • - Liking musicals, but not thinking about the implications
  • - Carrying her Biology Professor’s groceries for him
  • - Tricking Jemilla using master dancing techniques, then being kind of into it
  • - Being the prophet
  • - Being on the phone with Gerald the whole time
  • - Not putting Gerald on speakerphone because no-one wants to hear what he has to say.
  • - Baking everyone cookies to welcome herself into the band
  • - Just wanting to be invited to the party
  • - Being a villain and still being a more likeable character than Sammi.
  • - Having a good redemption arc
  • - Wearing a diaper
  • - Shooting Agent Curt Mega without knowing if he has a bulletproof vest on and then continuing singing as if nothing happened
  • - Walking amongst the shrubs
  • - Being on ambien
  • - Trying to lace the seams of T-Shirts with her drugs
  • - Being called Malloy by Lord Voldemort
  • - Being in a relationship with Miss Explorer
  • - Wishing Owen hadn’t died
  • - Having a salad but then realizing she has a child instead
  • - Having Becky Barnes accosting her
  • - Being married to a doctor that does RHEEEEEEENOPLASTY
  • - Having a child called River
  • - Wiggling her way to Wiggly’s side
  • - Wronging what’s right
  • - Having a recurring dream where a Carnival Cruise Ship is outside her house and all her friends are on it but she can’t run to catch up with them.
  • - Wearing wigs better than most of us wear shoes
  • - Having range
  • - Wanting Bug to come to her nest so she could tear off his head and let her larvae devour his body
  • - Dying to save Bug
  • - Going to Pigfarts so she can ride around on Rumbleroar‘s back
  • - Making a gift for Bug out of her own filth (generous and a recycling queen)
  • - Being in the Smoke Club.
  • - Being your black coffee gal
  • - Having to watch her professor perform a song and not dying of embarrassment.
  • - Marching their death
  • - Announcing that the city’s crime rates are at an all time low, then firing into the air. (Still the highest in the world, but working on it)
  • - Being Esther and Cynthia in the same wig
  • - Not being able to compete with squirrels
  • - Not being afraid of the storm
  • - Being a good climber
  • - Forcing Gerald to call the cops on Becky Barnes
  • - Owning a Rag Phone™
  • - her incredible and underrated performance in passenger seat
  • - Trying to murder Fester
  • - Liking pastel, which is worse than being a serial killer
  • - Having the most expensive yabbos
  • - Summoning sensual inter-dimensional beings into her house (who won't leave)
  • - Not really wanting to do the work today
  • - Being Supermegafoxyawesomehot
  • - Wanting Hermione Granger (And a rocket ship)
  • - ability to shop
  • - being a mother (to 4 beautiful blonde boys) And apparently a brown haired girl now
  • - being a mother (to dogs)
  • - being a mother (who will clean her son’s weapons and wash blood out of his clothes like it’s nothing)
  • - Being curious about the diggle where her son puts his dinkie
  • - Not understanding what her son does with “drinking buddies”
  • - Making fangirl screeches when her son’s gonna do it
  • - describing dogs as amazing (but also dirty)
  • - Having the literal voice of a goddess
  • - Dying of dysentary
  • - Not wanting to kill the ox family
  • - Using her apron to stop Donald Tr*mp from being reelected
  • - being really good at puppetry (puppetry is hard)
  • - Wanting to kill the bread-seller because raisins
  • - having the only 10 year brow redemption arc that matters
  • - Not labelling her relationship with Paul
  • -Still being intimate with Paul
  • - being a cute lil’ barista
  • -spending the whole morning learning some dumbass new tip song
  • - Being the beautiful, funny, sassy idol that she is
  • - Being truly, truly behind the prince
  • - Being a little gay for Cassandra
  • - Working at Jesus camp even though she’s underage
  • - Having a Patreon (seriously, if you can afford it, go subscribe to Lauren’s Patreon)
  • - Curing my depression
  • - Birthing dogs
  • - Not dying in Hatchetfield
  • - Dying in Clivesdale
  • - Being an amazing icon who should never ever change or all of us will cry ;,(
  • - Being a huge inspiration
  • - Transcending time and space to own an iPhone 11 in 2018
  • - Breaking into her own living room in a wig to film a music video
  • - Being scarily good at reading lips/ the whisper challenge
  • - Not singing when she gets a tip
  • - leading a magnificent cult
  • - being in a K-Mart commercial
  • - not being able to tell white male actors apart (same sis)
  • - both being and deserving a ten (because she's worth it)
  • - Actually let's be honest, she's an 11 at least (NOT over 11.5)
  • - Inventing new, exciting religions
  • - Disliking the word “cult”
  • - Having this kooky, reclusive biology professor
  • - Making quarantine themed Passover jokes
  • - Watching Wizards of Waverly Place
  • - Fucking seeing him
  • - Shading Harry's sweater
  • - Doing what scissors do
  • - Falling in love, falling in love, falling in love with Hermione Granger
  • - Being a big baby childish jerk
  • - Loving and fearing her father less than her mother
  • - seducing Jemilla (and the entire audience)
  • - being seven and male
  • - spitting blood in the faces of people she's about to kiss
  • - having a girlfriend with a boyfriend
  • - being the cHAMPION THIS TIME
  • - not really wanting to do the work today
  • - disagreeing and saying you won't last five minutes at P I G F A R T S
  • - stealing your favorite drawing
  • - having the last girl she'd ask to the Yule Ball be that Hermione Granger, not even if they were the last two people on Earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ballgown so that every time she looked at her she got butterflies in her tummy . . . not even then
  • - Not knowing what a cabbage patch kid even is
  • - Carrying round a massive water bottle (massive means a literal GALLON) at homecoming then having Ali Gordon (definitely Ali and not Lauren) break it
  • - Getting engaged to Joey Ritcher. (Congrats you guys.)
  • - Pulling an extensive 8 year long con (Congratulations!!!)
  • - Getting married in front of her fiancé and her stage-wife's husband. (Congrats!!)
  • Executing the ultimate power move perfectly by announcing the she and Joey have been dating for 8 years WITH THEIR FRICKEN ENGAGEMENT HOLY HECK CONGRATS I STILL CRY ABOUT IT RANDOMLY
  • - Being into a relationship with Jemilla
  • - Playing two Emmas in one scene
  • - Reinventing the human race (and shoving it in Jemilla’s face)
  • - Trying something new (and having it backfire)
  • - Being too perfect for this world
  • - Throwing her shoe out the wagon and just kinda watching it bounce
  • - Putting things in her mouth
  • - Eating literally everything she's come across. (Except gluten... that guy jumped back out... he knew the rules, he played the game... she respects him for that.)
  • - Setting her zapper to pew PEW PEW!
  • - Letting everyone know that Hogwarts has gone to the dogs.
  • - Waiting to let her father hear about THIS.
  • - Baking a lot, making us all jealous of her baking skillz :0
  • - Rather paying full price for a vitamix when she's ready (so F*CK YOU) (go watch the TGWDLM 4th of Julivestream if you haven't, it's really funny)
  • - Inspiring and bringing joy to hundreds of thousands of people
  • - Becoming the Bandit Queen (bless whoever came up with this)
  • - Brewing up your coffee
  • - Knowing why Paul came to Beanie’s all those times instead of just going across the street to Starbucks
  • - Making me love her more than i love myself oops
  • - Being extremely hilarious
  • - having the greatest wizard career
  • - Going to fucking mars
  • - Being absolutely adored by everyone to the point where her list of special skills is colossal
  • - Having a special skills list that's so long it takes 7 and a half minutes to read outloud.
  • - Wanting what everybody else wants, to be loved
  • - Sitting on her a$$, watching the TV and making a ton of mistakes (although the last one can't be true because she is literally perfect)
  • - Having some dope ass eyebrows
  • - Telling River to HOLD IT LIKE A MAN
  • - Wanting to go to Pigfarts, but can’t do it because can’t buy NASA when her parents die
  • - having a home with a refrigerator
  • - Trying to k*ll fans on Mondays with Joey (they're at an 8 week streak) <<<< Ikr!!! Like- Monday?!
  • - not having time for the pitch of obviously the best musical there ever was
  • - Hating cupcakes with a burning passion. Just eat cake. Just a normal slice of cake.
  • - Getting a MALI BUH BAR BEH (That's exactly what she does XD)
  • - Saying firm as a stone because it's firm as a stone it's firm as a stone it's firm as a stone-
  • - Making me question my sexuality everyday
  • - Never freaking missing in any of her Insta sketches. (Seriously, they're so fucking funny)
  • - According to youtube auto subtitles, Clark refers to her as a "hot latina Gus." So congratulations, Lauren has been upgraded from goddess to Gus.
  • - Being in the [to the best of our recollection serie]
    • - Never having seen Frozen
    • - Getting that Elsa can make things freeze by the Tony performance
  • - Not being able to have her hair appointment today :(((((
  • - Being the second person to trick Voldemort into being her slave FOR A WHOLE DAY STARTING NOW!
  • - Not being cast in Flop Stoppers
  • - Having a mini Dylan in her bookshelf
  • - Not yelling AHOOOOOOOOO
  • - being told to shut the hell up
  • - interviewing British nobility about being in love with ape-men
  • - Not coming into the screen even though everyone in the chat was BeGgiNg for her too :(
  • - playing 2 characters in one scene going back and forth with each other like WHAT?!
  • - having a killer robot that looks exactly like her
  • - Eating food that's too hot
  • - Being born with a brain from her bifocals down to her Mary Jane's
  • - using the tag #fucktrump
  • - meeting THE Marylin Monroe, Shrek and Three Spidermen
  • - Thanking her lucky star
  • - getting her dog elected as The Mayor of Connor Creek
  • - Having 2 kids with Gerald, BUT NOT THE OTHER 2
  • - Pretty sure this was said already, but being 7 and male
  • - Forcing everyone to have every song she's ever sung stuck in their head because she is practically perfect in every way.
  • - Making a Black Friday instagram post on the saturday after black friday
  • - being a hufflepuff (sorry if this is already said)
  • - not understanding basic biology
  • - chubby bunny (do I need to say more???)
  • - Poisoning herself a little bit every day since 1939
  • - Conquering the nut roll (Hopefully) (she tried her best bless her...)
  • - Finding an ancient scroll at the bottom of a well
  • - Accidentally being a stock-photo model and finding out through the news
  • - Being unceremoniously cut from VHSCC
  • - Conquering THE SCRUNCHY
  • - Thinking that Waving Through a Window was about vampires
  • - Then realizing it's actually about ghosts
  • - Having a face for wigs
  • - Being a fucking rock
  • - Being the nerdy bookworm friend
  • - Counting the river rocks
  • - Being the best monologue coach ever!
  • - Being Joey Richter’s future WIFE (its borat dude!)
  • - Destroying everything and destroying everything and guaranteeing she will destroy everything
  • - Screaming into Susan’s neck for 15 seconds then locking it up and moving on
  • - being interested with POD CATS (podcasts)
  • - being in a gettyimages stock photo about quarantine in LA
  • - having santy wanting to be a high bitch instead of friending her on Facebook
  • - Wondering if you are pranking them… are you pranking these two kids??
  • - her body deteriorating because of all the drugs
  • - being able to come back to life thrice as she was passing
  • - having big knockers (as Tabitha Igby)
  • - describing herself as having big knockers (as a future cop, about tabitha igby)
  • - not allowing wieners at camp
  • - taking over a hot treat company at the age of eight
  • - having x-ray vision that allows her to take over a hot treat company at the age of eight
  • - Wanting to snap and HHHwistle on Easter of all days
  • - screaming while walking down a staircase and also defeating two people
  • - hearing his voice, feeling his power, seeing his plans and his kingdom laid out for her, him being hers hers hers to follow his orders, and him being hers hers her monument to build
  • - catching the next one
  • - realizing there isn’t going to be a next one 😢
  • - her first act as devine prophet being burning down the ceeeenabon in the name of a dark god
  • - wiggling her way to his side
  • - being the one who wronged what’s right
  • - being in a very amazing unreleased movie from 2009 where two people drag around their dead friend’s body on a road trip with the two criminals [responsible for his death and committing multiple felonies and making no sense at all while also making so much sense at the same time (we need more passenger seat appreciation)
  • - making people realize they're gay
  • - looking good in literally any wig
  • - literally stabbing Krayonder in the back
  • - motivational speeches
  • - running to see his DADDEEEE YOU CAME
  • - not sharing her food
  • - drinking like 17 beers in a row
  • - not planting those bushes
  • - wrapping MegaGirl up in a tortilla and eating her (maybe with some pico de gallo)
  • - stabbing Krayonder and telling him to WALK IT OFF
  • - Being seven and male
  • - Monkey puppeteer supreme
  • - Being severely nearsighted
  • - Building a portal just for when he comes
  • - Hearing his voice
  • - Feeling his power
  • - Seeing his kingdom and his plans laid out for her
  • - Being adored
  • - Shipping her son with a Russian spy
  • - Making to-do lists
  • - Having pepper spray (and using it more than you can ever imagine)
  • - Thinking her kids are better than everyone else’s
  • - Hoping you don’t get a wiggly
  • - Hoping you FUCKING die
  • - Thinking about the implications
  • - Having 30.000 dollar boobs
  • - Dropping cakes and swearing
  • - Thinking Calculus is tough
  • - Singing that one Hamilton song beautifully
  • - Being the one who is TOTALLY AWESOME!
  • -Liking beer, sporting and talking about sporting
  • -forgetting how basic biology works