Me and My Dick is the first song from Me and My Dick. It was written by Darren Criss and performed by Joey Richter as Joey and Joe Walker as Dick. It is the first track on the cast album.
Lyrics[]
Joey Richter:
I wake up in the morning
And it's nothing new
Run through my mind for hours
Still, I just want you
You're all I want
You're all I need
My love for you
Just grows the way you do
When I love you
I wanna hold you all night long
And cuddle til we're blue
I'll hold you in a tight embrace
I know it seems taboo
But I have to have you with me now
I have to have you quick
I love you more than anything
My dick!
Joey (Dick):
(I like being with you)
I like being with you
(And you like being)
You like being with me (with me)
Joey and Dick:
We're just the best of friends
As anyone can see
People say it's quite unlikely
The two of us should stick
But I just tell them
"Hey! It's me and my dick!"
Joey (Dick):
We'll stick together
(We'll stick together)
Fight through thick
and thin (Fight through thick)
(and thin)
Joey and Dick:
If we stay side by side
There's no way we can't win
Joey (Dick):
Any girl that's out
there (Any girl that's out there)
Any girl at all
(Any girl at all)
Joey and Dick:
When she gets going with us
She's sure to have a ball!
Dick, spoken:
Hey! Watch out with that joke... it's an antique!
Joey and Dick, sung:
People say
"How do you do it?
How can you be so slick?"
But I just tell them
"Hey! It's me and my dick!"
Joey (Dick):
Yeah, there she is
(Oh, I see her)
Leaning on her locker
With those big brown eyes
And she's taking off
Her shirt and her pants (Yeah, keep going!)
Joey:
She's running her hands
Down my underpants
Joey and Dick:
Buddy, this is our chance!
Sally, spoken:
Joey!
Joey and Dick:
People say it's quite unlikely
The two of us should stick
But I just tell them
"Hey!"
Joey (Dick):
It's me and my dick
(I like being with you)
It's me and my dick
(We'll stick together)
It's me and my dick
Dick, spoken:
Hey, man...
Joey and Dick, sung:
It's me and my dick!