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Nerdy Prudes Must Die is the thirteenth original online musical from Team StarKid. It is the fifth installment of the Hatchetfield Series. It ran at the El Portal Theatre in Los Angeles from February 16-25, 2023. It released on digital download on September 15, 2023 and was released on YouTube on October 13, 2023.
Summary[]
Nerdy Prudes Must Die is a teen-slasher comedy about a group of geeks and their ghostly tormentor from the creators of The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals and Black Friday. When the biggest losers at Hatchetfield High unwittingly complete an ancient, evil ritual, they unleash an all-powerful, angry spirit with a grudge against nerds. That’s when Steph Lauter, Grace Chasity, and a cast of social rejects must fight to save themselves and nerdy prudes everywhere. But can any of them survive the fury of a bully from beyond the grave?[1]
Synopsis[]
Act 1[]
The show begins with a flash forward of Richie Lipschitz begging for his life, before cutting away to Officer Bailey, an unnamed officer, and Detective Shapiro finding his body. They also find the phrase "Nerdy Prudes Must Die!" written in Richie's blood.
The scene changes as we watch Richie, Ruth Fleming, and the entire high school ensemble sing of their troubles and difficulties in high school ("High School is Killing Me"). During a test, Steph Lauter asks to cheat off Pete Spankoffski, he reluctantly agrees. Their plan is quickly stopped when Grace Chasity catches the two and notifies their teacher Miss Mulberry. They both get sent to the principal's office and share a conversation that begins with Steph teasing Pete about his title as "Micro-Peter," but ends with her complimenting him on his sense of humor.
When the bell rings, Peter runs off in fear and all the nerds sing of their fear of the Hatchetfield Nighthawk's star quarterback, Max Jägerman, the school's head bully and a "Literal Monster". During a break in the song Max finds Richie in the hallway and begins to harass him, before sending him away when he notices Grace Chasity, who he is currently interested in. He attempts to flirt with her, calling her a "dirty girl," but Grace immediately shuts him down and runs off, trying to cancel the schools Homecoming. Max admits to his friends, Kyle Clauger and Jason Jepson, that he's interested in her because he sees her as "forbidden fruit" due to her intense prudishness ("Literal Monster").
Later on, Steph arrives home to her father, Mayor Solomon Lauter, waiting for her. Solomon scolds his daughter for getting caught cheating, and threatens to smash her phone if she doesn't bring her grades up. However, Steph blocks the action with her hand. He takes her phone away, telling her she can have her phone back when her grades improve, saying "Smart phones are for smart girls, not little dumb-dumbs".
Meanwhile, Richie, Ruth, and Pete meet in the library to begin working on a group science project. Richie and Ruth question Pete on what happened earlier between him and Steph, before telling him that she was only using him to cheat on the test. This conversation is interrupted by a phone call from Steph on a nearby payphone. She invites Pete to meet her at Pasqualli's to study. His conversation is frequently interrupted by Richie and Ruth, as they don't believe Steph would have any reason to contact Pete. He tells them to shut up and agrees to meet with her, immediately heading towards the restaurant whilst singing about his self-esteem ("Cool As I Think I Am").
When Pete approaches Pasqualli's, Max finds him in the parking lot and harasses him. Pete calls him out on his behavior, saying he refuses to grovel and that he doesn't find Max scary, that he's just a bully. Max retaliates by punching him in the stomach, reiterating that he decides who can hang out with whom, who is a nerd, and that he's a god. He tells Peter to "say his prayers," rearing back his fist, before the scene fades out.
We flash to Grace eating dinner with her mother and father, Karen Chasity and Mark Chasity. Mark explains that he is struggling to sell a supposed haunted house, "the Waylon place on Hickory." During the conversation, Grace tells her parents about what happened with Max earlier on, and mistakenly says sexual phrases while trying to ask for bread and butter. Disgusted by her own fantasies, she decides to take a bath, yet ends up masturbating to the thought of Max coming in through her window and preforming sexual acts with her ("Dirty Girl"). She is once again disgusted, declaring that this is all Max's fault and that he "has to go."
The next day, Steph is upset that Pete stood her up. She seeks out Richie and Ruth, asking them if they know where he is. Richie accuses Steph of luring Pete to Pasqualli's so he'd get beaten up, but Steph ignores the allegation and asks where Pete is. Looking for Pete, the three barge into the boys' bathroom, finding Pete with a black eye. Pete reveals he plans on hiding in the bathroom every opportunity he gets. Steph suggests they do something aboutt Max, but before they can come up with a plan Grace barges into the bathroom, saying the five of them should work together to get back at Max.
Grace's plan involves luring Max to the Waylon place under the guise of a party and then scaring him. She wants to use Pete as a ghost and Ruth as a skeleton, and have Richie film everything so they can post it online ("Bully the Bully"). As they set up for the prank, Grace reveals that the Waylons led a cult that partook in human sacrifices, demonic rituals, and sex magic in order to get what they wanted. She then reveals that they built many major structures in Hatchetfield.
Max arrives at the house and the five hide, playing creepy music. Once Max enters Pete approaches dressed as a ghost. At first Max is scared, but then he proclaims that he wants to overcome his fear of ghosts and he tries to fight it. Pete runs away in fear and Max celebrates, once again claiming that he is god. They send in Ruth as the skeleton and, once again, Max freaks out, yet decides to face his fear. He tries to beat Ruth before Steph interjects, telling him it was all a prank. Instead of being upset, Max is overjoyed, saying this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him, and that he might've misjudged the five of them.
Before Max can continue raving about their successful "surprise," the floor beneath him breaks and he plummets three floors. Grace, Richie, Ruth, Steph, and Pete run to find him, but when they do, Max has a wooden plank protruding from his chest, seconds away from death. With his last breath, Max proclaims that "Nerdy prudes must die". In a panicked shock, at Grace's suggestion, the remaining five decide to hide the body beneath the floorboards of the house, chopping Max up, wrapping him up in plastic, and bleaching the house to get rid of any evidence. They also decide not tell anyone about what happened ("Bury the Bully").
Two weeks pass and nobody seems too concerned about the disappearance of Max, instead actively proclaiming how joyous they are. Everyone is preparing for the big game, and the school's environment is a lot less toxic without Max plaguing the school. Steph tells Pete she passed her test and got her phone back thanks to his help; they also confess that they're having a hard time feeling bad about what happened to Max when everyone is so happy. Steph invites Pete to watch the big Hatchetfield vs. Clivesdale game with her. The football players, cheerleaders, and nerds all sing about their excitement for the game and the overall positive energy that fills the school without Max around ("Go Go Nighthawks!"). The football players compliment Richie on his work as the Nighthawk mascot, Zeke, saying he inspires the team, and even apologize for bullying him. They leave, and Richie proclaims how happy he is to be alive.
Suddenly, Max's voice calls out Richie's name and an undead version of Max appears. He begins to chase Richie. Using his newfound powers, Max eventually tracks down and kills Richie, singing about how he'll get revenge on all the nerds ("Nerdy Prudes Must Die").
Act 2[]
Grace jerks awake from a nightmare, having slept in. She walks into the dining room and Mark receives notice that he managed to sell the Waylon place, but something was found within the house. He rushes over to the property, and Grace is scared that Max's body was found before she goes to school. Steph, Pete, and Ruth enter, lamenting over and poking fun at Hatchetfield's loss to Clivesdale. Grace enters, nervous about the four of them getting discovered. They all begin panicking but are cut off when they are all called into the principal's office.
In the principal's office, Detective Shapiro and Officer Bailey question the four about a murder. They are tight lipped when they think the investigation is about Max, but when it's revealed she's there about Richie, they are horrified. Shapiro tells them of the bloody "Nerdy prudes must die" message and the four deny any connection to it. The police are called away after Max's body is found.
Mayor Solomon issues a formal statement, implementing a strict curfew for all the kids in town. Reporters question Stephanie's involvement in the case, but he Solomon quickly spins it, saying that everyone is a suspect, "Don't point your fingers at me; point them at your neighbours." The people of Hatchetfield sing of their concerns and accuse each other of being the murderer, making up stories and fake news regarding the murders ("Hatchet Town").
Meanwhile, Ruth makes her way to the Hatchetfield High auditorium, where she is working in the sound booth on light direction for the play "The Barbecue Monologues." We see a scene from the show before they stop for notes, and Miss Mulberry asks Ruth to fix a light while everyone else takes a break. Ruth ends up center stage, interest captured by the idea of performing if it weren't for her anxiety. She begins to perform a scene from the Barbecue Monologues and sings of how she yearns to be the center of attention just once ("Just For Once").
As soon as the song ends, Ruth hears Max's voice booing her. Max's ghost taunts Ruth before sneaking up behind her and killing her by splitting her in two with an atomic wedgie. He pulls her underwear over her head and leaves. Miss Mulberry re-enters and is horrified by what she sees.
While this is happening, Grace meets with Detective Shapiro and, in an attempt to get the detective off her track, she frames the entire city of Clivesdale. Shapiro thanks Grace then asks if she left her WWJD bracelet in the principal's office. Grace gladly takes it before Detective Shapiro reveals she had actually found the bracelet under the floorboards of the Waylon Place, next to Max's decomposing body. Shapiro and the cops threaten to arrest Grace. In a panic, Grace steals Officer Bailey's gun and runs away.
At the Beanie's coffee shop, Paul Matthews and Emma Perkins talk with each other, with Paul giving her his number. They are interrupted by Pete, who is upset he still hasn't received his hot chocolate, saying that he feels like he's "been waiting for five fucking years." Emma finally hands it to him, after spitting in it. Pete heads towards a table with Steph. The two begin to argue, blaming each other for what had happened, culminating in Steph telling Pete that she knows he can't ignore her because he's crazy about her. Pete denies this, and the two sing about how they definitely aren't into each other ("If I Loved You").
Grace enters the coffee shop, tells Steph and Pete that Ruth is dead and that the cops know everything. When Steph doesn't want to develop another plan, Grace points the gun at her. Grace suggests fleeing to Canada, but before she can continue describing her plan, Officer Bailey enters, looking for her. Paul attempts to help out, but the cop tackles him to the ground instead, while Grace, Steph, and Pete run off. Outside the coffee shop, Steph takes the gun away from Grace, telling her that she's ruined their lives. Grace begins to cry, offering to turn herself in, but Steph says the three are all in this together. It's then that Mayor Solomon enters, revealing that he's been tracking Stephanie's phone since she was twelve, and chastising her for being stupid the one time she didn't have it on her.
Soloman ushers them all into his car, telling them that the Waylons really did participate in cult activities, and that they really did have power. Even when they died, they lived on through a spell they cast on the Waylon house, which was triggered by Max's death. When they arrive at their destination in the woods, Solomon orders them to dig to find The Black Book, which the Waylons owned. It features spells, incantations, and magical powers for a price, which Solomon wants the three to pay. Solomon insists this isn't about their lives, but that if they don't defeat Max everyone will die.
Steph asks what they can do to stop Max, and Solomon tells her that they must participate in a ritual, striking a bargain with the Lords in Black. Suddenly, Max's voice appears; Pete attempts to reason with him, but Solomon says it's no use and refuses to help with the ritual, saying that he's "not touching that book ever again." The head of Miss Tessburger, Solomon's assistant, comes flying in, having been decapitated by Max. The three teens scurry off, leaving Max and Solomon alone. Solomon offers Max beer and power in exchange for his life, but Max kills him anyway with the shovel the nerds used to dig up The Black Book.
Steph, Pete, and Grace discover that to perform the ritual, they must be at a Black Altar, a location that the Waylons built. One of these locations is Hatchetfield High, and they decide to head there. Before they can leave, Detective Shapiro finds them, putting them into her squad car. The teens beg to be let out, explaining that Max has returned. Before Shapiro can shut them down, she sees Max. Shapiro tries to drive away, but Max appears in the car and smashes her head into the windshield, causing the car to crash.
When everyone regains consciousness, they struggle to make their way out of the car as Shapiro lies motionless. Steph asks Pete if Shapiro is alright as he feels for her pulse, but he says he has "no idea what [he's] doing," and they leave her. They arrive at Hatchetfield High and begin the ritual. They first hear Wiggly's voice before seeing the Lords In Black appear, and Steph asks for them to stop Max. The Lords in Black are willing to help, but hesitate because they'd also like to watch the teens die. Steph offers the Lords whatever they want in exchange for their assistance. They excitedly ask for what she cherishes most, and she initially offers her phone, but upon their refusal, she realizes that they want her to kill Pete. The Lords disappear, saying that they will return when the task is completed ("The Summoning").
Heartbroken, Steph and Pete head outside. Pete confesses he knows what the Lords want Steph to do. Steph refuses to kill him, telling him that he should give up whatever he cherishes most, but Pete tells her that what he cherishes most is Steph; either way, one of them would have to die ("Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise)"). Steph is hesitant, but Pete convinces her to shoot him. Before she does so, Pete asks if things were different, if she would go to Homecoming with him. Steph tearfully says yes before shooting Pete.
Before the bullet can hit Pete, Max barges in, catching it and throwing both Steph and Pete to the floor, swearing that he'll kill them. He begins charging towards Steph, but Grace enters, telling Max that she wants to sleep with him. Max, still into Grace, agrees to make love to her at the fifty-yard line, saying he'll kill Steph and Pete later. Off-stage, Grace and Max have sex, while Steph and Pete watch in bewildered confusion.
Grace and Max re-enter, and Max asks Grace to cuddle, but suddenly the Lords In Black return, dragging him away. Pete and Steph are confused as to what just happened. Grace confesses that she had sacrificed what she cherished most: her chastity.
Weeks later, Homecoming is taking place with strict security. As Steph and Pete arrive at the dance together, Shapiro is revealed to have survived and even assisted in covering up what happened with Max. Grace also arrives at the dance, saying she found a date in Jason Jepson, one of the football players, and a former "friend" of Max. Steph and Pete happily dance together ("The Best of You").
Outside the dance, Grace and Jason confess that they have feelings for each other and they share a very short and sweet kiss. Suddenly, Grace's expression changes: she is disgusted by the fact that Jason would even try to kiss her when they were "just 18." She pulls the Black Book out of her backpack, stating she is going to devour his soul, proclaiming "Dirty dudes must die!" and that all "pervs" should run ("Dirty Dudes Must Die").
Development[]
Nerdy Prudes Must Die was the first musical to be conceptualized attached to the name Hatchetfield. It was announced to be in production on October 11, 2019, during the The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals anniversary stream.[2] The show's book was written by Nick and Matt Lang with music and lyrics written by Jeff Blim. It was due to be performed in the fall of 2020 but was postponed as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The show was officially announced on June 10, 2022 and was funded as part of the StarKid Returns BackerKit campaign. The campaign officially launched on September 20, 2022 and raised $50,000 in its first hour. The campaign reached its initial goal of $275,000 on October 8, 2022. The campaign ended on October 15, 2022 and had raised $386,350 between 6,110 backers. Throughout the campaign various demo songs and cast members from the show were revealed.
The first read-through of the show took place on December 13, 2022 with rehearsals commencing on January 4, 2023.[3][4] Tickets were released for Backer pre-sale on January 11, 2023 with General Sale on January 13, 2023.[5] Digital tickets were also made available for pre-sale to be released on February 21, 2023.[6] The show officially opened on February 16, 2023 and closed February 25, 2023.
The show's digital download and YouTube release dates were announced August 25, 2023 and it was released for digital download on September 15, 2023 and released on YouTube October 13, 2023.
Cast[]
See also: Hatchetfield Cast
Live Show Cast[]
Special Appearances[]
(*) Bold names denote the actor's onstage Starkid debut
Band[]
| Name | Position |
|---|---|
| Matt Dahan | Keyboard 1 |
| Sam Johnides | Keyboard 2 |
| Guitar | |
| Josh Fleury | Bass |
| Austin Farmer | Drums |
Creative Team[]
| Name | Position |
|---|---|
| Nick Lang | Book |
| Director | |
| Producer | |
| Props | |
| Camera Operator | |
| Editor | |
| Matt Lang | Book |
| Camera Operator | |
| Jeff Blim | Music and Lyrics |
| Corey Lubowich | Producer |
| Props | |
| Dylan Saunders | Producer |
| Matt Dahan | Music Director and Orchestrations |
| Zach Phaneuf | Technical Director |
| Carly DW Bones | Intimacy Direction |
| Paul Gabriel | Stage Manager |
| Olivia Schlueter-Corey | Assistant Stage Manager |
| Wardrobe | |
| Gabriela Vega | Special Effect Make-up Design |
| Special Effect Make-up Artist | |
| Charlie Lenny | Special Effect Make-up Artist |
| Lauren Lopez | Choreography |
| Lex Gernon-Wyatt | Scenic Design |
| June Saito | Costume Design |
| Mariah Harrison | Assistant Costume Designer |
| Joey Guthman | Lighting Design |
| Miriam Henerson | Assistant Lighting Design |
| Stephanie Yackovetsky | Sound Design |
| Ilana Elroi | Sound Mixer |
| Meg Lloyd | Black Book Fabricator |
| Nick Giambrone | Electricians |
| Hayden Kirschbaum | |
| Fiona Jessup | |
| Salem Mitchel | |
| Keanu Ross-Cabrera | |
| Soran Schwartz | |
| Edwin Pleitez | El Portal Tech Supervisor |
| Justin Hong | Director of Photography |
| Camera Operator | |
| Minami Moriyama | Camera Assistant |
| Curt Mega | Filming Day Director |
| Editor |
Songs[]
| Act | Song | Sung By |
|---|---|---|
| Act 1 | High School is Killing Me | Steph, Richie, Ruth and Company |
| Literal Monster | Max Jägerman, the Nerds and the Jocks | |
| Cool As I Think I Am | Pete Spankoffski and the Nerds | |
| Dirty Girl | Grace Chasity and Max Jägerman | |
| Bully the Bully | Grace, Steph, Pete, Richie and Ruth | |
| Bury the Bully | Grace, Steph, Pete, Richie and Ruth | |
| Go Go Nighthawks! | Company | |
| Nerdy Prudes Must Die | Max, Richie and Company | |
| Act 2 | Hatchet Town | Ensemble |
| Just For Once | Ruth Fleming | |
| If I Loved You | Steph and Pete | |
| The Summoning | Steph, Pete, Grace and the Lords in Black | |
| Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise) | Steph and Pete | |
| The Best of You | Steph, Pete and Company | |
| Dirty Dudes Must Die | Grace and Ensemble |
Recording[]
The cast album was released on September 15, 2023 on the Starkid store as well as iTunes, Amazon and YouTube Music. The album charted at number one on Billboard's cast albums charts for the week of September 30, 2023.[7]
Gallery
 Click here to view the gallery. |
Trivia[]
- Due to heavy rain and flooding in the North Hollywood area, the show on February 24 was struck by multiple power outages. The first power outage took place just after the beginning of the Barbecue Monologues scene. The second outage took place just before the end of The Best of You. The second outage resulted in the show ending early, resulting in this show being the only iteration of the show with a happy ending.
- On-Stage Mishaps include:
- Angela failing to sit on a chair and falling on the floor, causing Angela, Mariah, and Joey to all break, as documented in the digital ticket version
- Mariah and Corey dropping Steph's phone and having to pick it up before Solomon almost hits it with the hammer.
- A chair being knocked over and Joey having to pick it up prior to his Barbecue Monologues scene.
- Extensive ad-libs during the scene where Detective Shapiro talks to Steph, Pete, Grace, and Ruth, as described during the Hatchetfield Halloween Party livestream
References[]
- ↑ https://www.teamstarkid.com/nerdy-prudes#:~:text=When%20the%20biggest%20losers%20at,themselves%20and%20nerdy%20prudes%20everywhere.
- ↑ It's ALIVEstream! retrieved 2022-05-29
- ↑ "https://twitter.com/paulgvbriel/status/1602503714727608320". Twitter. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
- ↑ "https://www.instagram.com/p/CmpTCa1ynJ5/". Instagram. Retrieved 2023-12-03.
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20230107222318/https://www.teamstarkid.com/nerdy-prudes
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20230114010544/https://www.teamstarkid.com/tickets
- ↑ https://twitter.com/TeamStarKid/status/1707036718862409926
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