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Obi-Wan Kenobi is the lead antagonist in Ani: A Parody. He is played by Nick Lang and based on the Star Wars character of the same name.
He is in hiding on Tatooine as one of the few Jedi to have escaped Order 66. He is an alcoholic and frequents the Cantina. When he finds out that Ani is alive and plans on racing in the Boonta Eve he conspires with Sebulba to sabotage him. He shoots and kills Jar Jar Binks. After Ani wins the race he gets a visit from Qui-Gon Jinn's force ghost who urges him to let go of is hatred. He then decides to raise Ani's son (Luke Skywalker) to kill him.
Quotes[]
"I'll tell you when I've had enough!"
"Well I'll start with one of everything, and then we'll go from there."
"It's as if a million voices suddenly cried out in terror, and then were suddenly silenced. I have the worst hangover in history. [takes glass] Thank you. *drinking noise* I'm better now, I'm drunk."
"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I am an alcoholic."
"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi. I am a proud graduate of Alcoholics-Alomonous... and I am an alcoholic."
"The Clone Wars began when my friend Qui-Gon and I went to the planet of Naboo to settle a trade dispute that had broken out between the Trade Federation and the planet. You see, the Federation had put a blockade around the system so that they could, uh...
[catches himself falling asleep]
I'm sorry. I fell asleep because that was so boring."
"You see, Qui-Gon was my master...or was Yoda my master?"
"You see, only a Sith deals in absolutes. [...] I, on the other hand, deal in Absolut!"
"That muff just blew my mind, man!"
"We declared war in the name of peace! Right?! We couldn't just let the Sith run everything! They're a group of religious zealots who want to impose their will on everyone, and that's the Jedis' job! We're the Light Side, they're the Dark Side! They believe in love, we forbid it! Don't you see? Don't you see, there has to be a balance - a harmony between Light and the Dark Side - and to create that harmony, we wanted to wipe out the Dark Side! And then all of a sudden two Sith come along, and they kill all but two Jedis? That's not balanced!"
"Well you can tell that Annie that she can go and get her gun."
(Tarkin: Do you remember Ani?) "Yes. I loved him like a brother. So I cut him in half... and I put him in a volcano."
"Well... It's like, goddammit, right? It's like, you think you kill a guy, and then he shows up as a goddamn robot. And this is the second bloody time this has happened to me!"
"And now, let's have a drink to our fiendish union... of the Light Side!"
"And do me a favour, J.J., and once I've killed you, don't come back as a goddam robot."
"What? He won? That's not fair, we cheated!"
Trivia[]
- His quote about dead people coming back as robots, twice, refers to Darth Maul reappearing (with robotic legs) after his presumed death in The Phantom Menace.
- "Only Sith deal in absolutes" is an actual quote from the prequels.