Sung by the cast of "Me and My Dick"


Sally: Look at me with my pigtails so tight you'd think that I might explode. Right?

Look at me with my arms in a twist, not alarming I've missed the right road.

Miss Cooter: It's not too late to turn around and find a better way. 

Sally: It's not up to fate to lay the groundwork for a better day!

Miss Cooter: You gotta shake it up! Let your hair down, darlin'. You really need to unwind.

Sally: I gotta pick it up 'cause my life is calling me on the other line.

It's time to start over. And today is like the first day of the year!

So get this chip off my shoulder! It's been weighing me down and keeping you right here.

Miss Cooter: I want to get out see the great big world out there.

Sally and Miss Cooter: It's time to set out 'cause I feel there's something in the air.

I might be losing my mind, but there's one thing that I know: That I'm finally ready, so ready to go!


Joey: Hey, Dick, does my hair look alright?

Dick: Hell, yeah, buddy! You're a sight to see!

Joey: [Spoken] 'Kay good!

[Sung] Listen up, just try to relax, 'cause a mishap's the last thing I need.

I wanna rise up to the next level. Get off this middle ground. I've got this yearning burning like the devil. I'm here for the rebound!

Pass the ball, I know I'm on fire!

Dick: Yeah, yeah, you're on a roll!

Joey: (Spoken) I know!

Dick: What do you want from your kingdom, sire?

Joey: I wanna take control! Yo! 

I need a brand new gameplan. No more warming benches like I've done before. 

Dick: Get your head in the game, man. 

(Spoken) Here's what I'm thinking-

Joey: Shit she's coming out that door!

Joey and Dick:



Joey: Say yes, Vanessa, yes. I must confess of my obsession with your design.

I will not rest, no, not unless I find a way to make you mine.

I'm gonna get her if it's the last thing that I do!

Dick: But just remember that you can't get her

Joey and Dick: Without you/me too!

So, buckle up all you amateurs 'cause today we're going pro!

We're finally ready! So ready to go!

Vanessa: (Spoken) Hello?

Tiffany: Hey, Vaness' OMG, would you guess that I'm not wearing undies today?

Vanessa: Ew. Oh, Tiff, LOL. What's the diff? Would would still take them off, anyway.

Tiffany: IKR

Vanessa: BTW

Tiffany and Vanessa: Where are you right now?

Tiffany: We need to talk

Vanessa: Oh, I totes see you!

Vanessa and Tiffany: BRB Ciao, ciao!


Old Snatch: When you've been around the block as much as I have,  you feel just like a CEO

Flopsy: (Spoken) Oh, how's that? That must feel nice

Old Snatch: You see I'm done with all these talks, but they're not letting me retire. I tell ya! I'm ready to go!

Flopsy: It's like living the same way that an old pair of shoes do. Every day's a one man show!

They start to stink and then there's holes and they don't fit the way they used to! I've had it! I'm ready to go!

Old Snatch: (Spoken) Look at us!

(Sung) We're just a couple of stiffs!

Flopsy: (Spoken) Ha! Now you're just being cute

Old Snatch: With a lifetime of ifs...

Flopsy: (Spoken) Don't be so hard on us

Old Snatch: And I wonder, with someone else, would life be more fair?

Flopsy: (Spoken) Yeah! I mean it's not like-

(Sung) We're some one-dick pony.

Old Snatch: (Spoken) Oh, now who's being cute?

Flopsy: We could be more if only...

Old Snatch and Flopsy: Someone out there would answer our prayer!

While we wait to be delivered. Go ahead, cry me a river. We agree that there's no quid pro quo.

Flopsy: So until that great vacation

Old Snatch: (Spoken) Save your tears for lubrication!

Old Snatch and Flopsy: And Lord have mercy! Are we ready to go! Mercy, are we ready to go...

Tiffany: Listen up, Vanessa, sweetie. I do this 'cause I care

Vanessa: (Spoken): I know

Tiffany: This is war. Forget your peace treaty. Justice is right over there

Vanessa: I guess I could use a new guy. 'Cause it's been a while and I am still so young.

Why not give it a try? At the very least it could be kind of fun.

Tiffany: Hey, now, Vanessa, that's the girl I know and love. 

Vanessa: I've been so boring. Now I'm glad I've had a little shove

Vanessa and Tiffany: Tick tock while the iron's hot! There's no time to take it slow. You've gotta be ready. So ready to

All: Go...

I'm ready to go...

I'm ready to go...

I'm ready to go...

We're finally ready. And the time is right for us to light a spark.

We're keeping it steady. With our eyes on the prize to get us through the dark

I know there's so much more to what I think I see. I feel a change and the strange thing is it's part of me

My hormones are freaking out and I think I'm gonna blow!

Joey and Dick: We're locked and loaded

Sally and Miss Cooter: Oh, so devoted

Old Snatch and Flopsy: Low and demoted

Vanessa and Tiffany: Totes just toted!

All: Finally ready! So ready to go!