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Summary Edit

OriginalCastTheGuyWhoDidntLikeMusicals

The original cast of "The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals" performing the opening number of the same name.

"The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals" is the opening number to the 2018 musical of the same name, written by Team Starkid and performed by the ensemble.

The song introduces the protagonist of the show (who, to the performers' chagrin, does not show up in the course of the song) and a little of his world. Its lyrics include meta commentary on what makes a good protagonist, a running theme throughout the show, and how Paul is not one of those.

Note: The song is theorized to be the epilogue of the show, given the use of the word "didn't." The past tense of the word "did" suggests the protagonist (Paul) has already been infected and that the show is just a recreation of the true events that took place. However, given that several of the lyrics speak directly to Paul, urging him to join the aliens (because their takeover is Inevitable), this theory seems to be more of a headcanon.

Note: This song also contains Let him come, the 12th song in the show.

Lyrics: Edit

MR. DAVIDSON (singing):

The greatest stories ever told

Have a hero who must be bold

They learn a sense of right and wrong

And better learn this sense through song

CHARLOTTE:

Musicals tell the impossible (Ensemble: Impossible)

They evoke the philosophical, yeah

TED:

So tonight we're gonna chronicle a story so astronomical

ENSMBLE:

The last remaining story to tell!

MR. DAVIDSON: The guy who didn't like musicals!

ENSEMBLE: Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(MR. DAVIDSON: I mean what the fuck!)

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

MR. DAVIDSON:

He's the guy who didn't like musicals!

ENSEMBLE:

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(MR. DAVIDSON: Yeah, what the fuck?!)

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

BILL:

In the tiny town of Hatchetfield

Lived an awful grinch named Paul

ALICE:

He spends his day surfing the web

And not singing and dancing with us all

ENSEMBLE:

Should we kill him!?

Should we kill him!?

EMMA:

He pines after a cute lil' barista

Isn't that worth a show-stopping fiesta, yeah?

PROFESSOR HIDGENS:

But for some damn reason

He won't join our singing season

ENSEMBLE:

What an ass!

What a bitch!

What a cuck!

MR. DAVIDSON:

The guy who didn't like musicals!

ENSEMBLE:

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(MR. DAVIDSON: I mean what the fuck!?)

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

MR. DAVIDSON:

He's the guy who didn't like musicals!

ENSEMBLE:

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(MR. DAVIDSON: Na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na!)

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

MR. DAVIDSON:

It's the end of the world, Paul 

(ENSEMBLE: End of the world)

If you don't sing... 

(ENSEMBLE: If you don't sing)

ALICE:

This is the bridge, Paul

(ENSEMBLE: This is the bridge)

Where we globalize everything

PROF. HIDGENS:

And the words will come to you

We swear we will teach you

ENSEMBLE:

What it means to love

What it means to obey, Paul!

The apotheosis is upon us.

ENSEMBLE: (divided in two) 

1: Did you hear the word? 

2: What's the word?

1: He's a-comin'!

2: Who's a-comin'?

1: Paul's a-comin'!

2: Paul's a comin'?

ALL ENSEMBLE:

The star of the show!

Now for his heading entrance...

FEMALE ENSEMBLE:

Time to swoon at his leading man essence...

MALE ENSEMBLE:

His name is in the title

He's destined to go viral

ENSEMBLE:

Here he is

His name is Paul

Enter now!

MR. DAVIDSON: [spoken] Where the fuck is he?

BILL: [spoken] I have no fucking clue.

MR. DAVIDSON:

[sung] The guy just doesn't like musicals!

ENSEMBLE:

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(MR. DAVIDSON: Oh oh ohh!)

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

MR. DAVIDSON:

He's the guy who didn't like musicals!

ENSEMBLE:

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

MR. DAVIDSON:

And he definitely won't like this!

ENSEMBLE:

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, did not like like-a-like 'em!

MR. DAVIDSON:

He's the guy who didn't like musicals!

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em,

(A FEW ENSEMBLE: You gotta believe in something, Paul.

What do you believe in, stupid Paul?)

Didn't like, didn't like, didn't like-a-like 'em!

(You gotta believe in something)

Why oh why? Piece of shit!

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