This article is about the song. You may be looking for the Nightmare Time story.
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The Hatchetfield Ape-Man is the companion song to the Nightmare Time story of the same name. Sung by Jaime Lyn Beatty with back up by Jeff Blim the song is the 2nd song on the Nightmare Time album and features in the first episode of the livestream series. The music and lyrics were written by Jeff Blim.
Lyrics[]
Jaime:
Here’s a lil story ‘bout the Hatchetfield Ape-Man
He was born some place in the fuckin’ woods
He is tall, he is short
He’s good or bad at sports
The point is that nobody knows
All I know about the Hatchetfield Ape-Man
He’s an ape... man
Jeff:
Wooly Foot
His name is Wooly Foot
His name is Wooly Foot
Jaime:
What’s that name?
Jeff:
He’s five foot-ten or he’s four foot-eight
Jaime:
I remember when I met the Hatchetfield Ape-Man
Jeff:
You met him?
Jaime:
Yep.
Jeff:
You met him?
Jaime:
Uh huh.
We talked politics and how he leaned left and right
Jeff:
Oooh
Jaime:
Ah
Jeff:
Oooh
Jaime:
Ah
He has two left feet but he dances the can-can
Jeff:
He can?
Jaime:
Are you even listening?
Jeff:
He can?
Jaime:
He weighs two dozen tons but he’s rather slight
Nothin’?
Jeff:
…
Jaime:
Okay!
He eats meat, he eats grass,
He gets tons of ape ass
And honestly why do you care?
If you wanna know how the legend himself began
Ask the ape... this is so stupid, he’s not even real... man!
Jeff:
Wooly Foot
His name is Wooly Foot
His name is Wooly Foot
He’s a real nice guy that could rip off your face!
Jaime:
Wait... What’s that?
Jeff:
Wooly Foot
Jaime:
He can rip off your face?
Jeff:
His name is Wooly Foot
Jaime:
No he can’t. That’s not real. Seriously?
Jeff:
His name is Wooly Foot
Jaime:
He CANNOT rip off your face... are you fucking high?[1]